Nightmare of the Purist

Nightmare of the Purist

As I was dozing off with my head against the pillow my mind started wandering.
Un-mythical trout, pellet heads, trout stocked urban sewer water, what’s the big deal?

 I cleaned off my fly tying table and burned the furs and feathers I collected for years. I didn’t even want to give them away for anyone to get caught up in the foolishness of trout fishing. The boxes of small hooks I put up in the attic and replaced them with bait hooks in sizes #8’s, #6’s and #4’s. The thread I took down to the Good Will store.
 I placed a plastic-acrylic square cutting board on my wooden fly tying table top. I bought bottles of food coloring and a brand new blue plastic mixing bowl along with a canister filled with flour. Instead of tying flies my new hobby will be rolling dough balls for carp. I can dye them different colors and maybe get some stink bait later on.
 I called my son and told him instead of going up to Kettle Creek for Father’s Day weekend we can go down to the Shenango River, below the Dam, and fish for natural reproducing carp. Maybe take the canoe and slowly drag dough balls along the muddy, stone soiled bottom of the river. We can canoe through the scenic town of Sharpsville instead of the natural wilds of Potter County. Instead of matching the hatch for concrete raised pellet head trout we can toss different color dough balls and maybe add stink bait which might hook us up with some river-bred catfish or suckers.
 If we catch smaller ones we can fling them out of the water with our 12lb. test line and pretend they’re leaping for freedom like a rainbow. I can imagine them brownish scaled big lipped short whiskered fish flying through the air ungraceful like. Instead of having a campfire trout dinner we can string a few and take them to grandma’s house. We can have a fillet-o-carp mouth watering supper and drink 16oz. cans Old Milwaukee.
 The phone went dead. Ten minutes later my daughter calls and asks me if I was feeling ill. She tells me her brother called her and said he thinks I was coming down with something. She also said she’ll be right over.

 I called Jeff and told him I’m cancelling our plans to fish the Ausable River in New York this year. Who wants to fish for trout up there anyhow? I told him we can save money and go to Pymatuning Reservoir for a lot cheaper. We could drown night crawlers and some of my homemade anise scented dough balls for lake carp. Just think how exciting it will be to hook into a 4 year old carp while shore fishing with the rod on a forked stick? Grabbing the rod and letting line peel off the spool like hooking into a piece of water logged driftwood in a river channel. We wouldn’t have to worry about if he’s going to jump out of the water to throw the hook. Then reeling him in like a snagged tree branch.
 Just then I heard static and the phone was disconnected. Must be a big wind storm down in Pittsburgh.

 I hung my trout fly rods on the wall in remembrance and started to look for a new spinning outfit in a Fishing Shop catalogue I dug out of the waste can.
 Now let’s see, I’m going to need a 4 piece rod for my cycle. Oh, I almost forgot, and a tackle box. I think that’s what they still call them?

____________________________~doubletaper